Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
