I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
that may or may not have been my penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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