the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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