What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
