it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
