I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
