Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
