I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
