out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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