I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
