You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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