Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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