I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
