Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
