whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
