he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
