Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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