New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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