Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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