Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize