how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
