you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
