You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
