I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
