everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
