im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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