I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
