guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
