wat bout pragnant strippers??
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize