so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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