One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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