an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
