shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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