I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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