i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
