i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
