and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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