I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
