Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
ttyl tear gas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
