my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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