I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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