eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
