and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
