oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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