i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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