i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
