all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
