You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
