he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
