I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and she was petting her beer can
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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