I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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