Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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