Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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