Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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