All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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