I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize