I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
