I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize