I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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