so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
