An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
