I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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