Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
