Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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