yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
