god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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