omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
