oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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