Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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