im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
